DIABETES VS LIFE
When I first started this blog and was designing the name and branding for it, I was going through a horrible time of trying to understand what to do with my life. It was at a time when I had recently been in a coma through my diabetes and my memory seemed to had been taken from me. I don’t remember much about the day it happened or in actual fact much about my life before hand, but slowly over the years bits have come rushing back to me as memories are triggered by events. I wanted to design a brand for myself that represented what it was like to be a Type 1 Diabetic and the constant struggle we have on a daily bases and how it causes other struggles within, like depression.
I’ll never forget watching a Jim Carey film called Me, Myself & Irene, and how the film was based upon split personalities, although very humorous its underlying story was very real to many. Throughout my 20 years as a Type 1 Diabetic, the constant struggle with day to day management and the battle of educating others, I came to find myself almost having a split personality. The problems I would suffer thou weren’t that of just two different people, it seemed to be that of many different personalities. When my blood sugars were high I’d find myself battling to control the anger within me and when they were low I’d battle to stay alive. This was very real to me, but to others they would only see my happy smile and positive out look on life, but inside there was a monster who had a grip on my life and was slowly plotting to destroy it without me knowing or understanding.
In my previous blogs I’ve talked about how I had to create my “Diabetes Team” and how this was my mum, dad and at the time my wife. But it was this very structure that would come under fire with the constant mood swings and highs and lows. After I was in the coma, I had lost the very thing that made me the person I was and that was the memories that came before it and the reasons “why”. Why we smile, why we laugh, and more importantly why we cry. I felt so numb inside and I never understood why it was this very feeling that I would keep locked away for years until now, when I find myself writing this blog. You see the reason I am writing this blog is to reach out to others in similar situations, who can not see or find the reasons why. Why we smile, why we laugh and why we cry.
I have come to realise that my Diabetes is just a catalysts for my anxiety and depression within which it is then pushed to the forefront of my head by the lack of happy memories. A wise man once said that when a problem seems so big and unbearable, its because it is on a giant screen in front of you and you are unable to see nothing more then the problem. You need to make that screen small and put it behind you and move forward positively. For me this saying can really work but to first understand it you need to understand the problems in your head, which is easier said then done is some cases. Which then lead me onto thinking, some problems are not meant to be understood or solved, they are just meant to be a memory.
The past year for me personally has been one which I wish I could forget. I’ve been what I can only describe, as a person in the passenger seat as I sat and watched my life drastically change. My marriage broke down, I became a person I couldn’t recognise, my business took the beating of its life and I lost close friends who would now only become people I stop by to and say hi as we passed in the street. What hurt the most thou was loosing part of my Diabetes Team in my wife and I can not imagine what it must of been like to live with someone who is constantly changing on a daily bases but the truth of the matter is that this is what Diabetes does to you. It is a 24/7 condition that needs 24/7 management and we never know what is going to effect it, we just know everything has the possibility too. Unfortunately thou, this is something I am unable to change and must look positively to the future and all the happy memories which are ready to be made with others.
You see, here’s one way of looking at it…I was lucky enough to have my memory deleted but unfortunately what that took with it is not only the bad memories but also the good memories too. Its the good memories we need to focus on and make more of. We need to work as a team in society and within our friend groups to make time for others who are going through times of low self esteem and times of depression, so we can all make great fun positive memories together to out weigh the bad. If you have got this far in reading this blog, take the time to reach out to others and let them know that you are there as a friend. A friend that is there to help with the bad memories and to make more happy memories. Unfortunately we can not change our past but one thing is certain, we can build our future. We all need a “Team” whether it be a “Diabetes Team” or whether it be just a friendly face who is willing to listen.
I’m your friendly face who’s willing to listen…
